..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
