Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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