Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
