If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
