Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
