I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
