A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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