It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's the barista slut.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
