Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
