So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
