Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
