Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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