dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
