I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
