did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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