Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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