You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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