you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize