Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
