wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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