I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
