I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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