Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
