You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
