Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Semen is not good for contacts.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
