Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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