Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
