Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
