Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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