I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
