I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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