i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
