I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i think i just lost a toe
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
