as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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