I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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