sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
