Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered