The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
