Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.