it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.