Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ttyl tear gas
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds