The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.