yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?