Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
