I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
