I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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