I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
