I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
