I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
