We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Still dying that you shit outside
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
