Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
