gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
