I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
