she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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