i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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