he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
