no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
