i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
