the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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