dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
