I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
