Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
