I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
