So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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