My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
