legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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