Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
