I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
