3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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