new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just forgot I was standing up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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