can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
