oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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