I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
