I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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