god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize