I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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