Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
