Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
