why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
