feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
