I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
