so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
