i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
