Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
