like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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