we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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