Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
