as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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