you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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