i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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