Rock
Scissors
Fuck
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
