About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
