i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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