I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
