Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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