she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
40s are totally the cure
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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