I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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