Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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